I have lost four loved ones in nine months – my daughter, my father-in-law, my brother and my former son-in-law. Like all bereaved families, I wanted to honor the lives of my loved ones with memorials. My husband and I held memorial services in honor of our daughter and former son-in-law. We flew to Long Island and attended a memorial service in my brother’s honor. We have also donated financial memorials to churches and the local board.
You may also have held memorial services or donated money in memory of a loved one. Other memorials are described in the Mourning and Grief article on Memorial Online’s website. Keeping a journal, scrapbook, or creating a multimedia presentation are ways to remember a loved one. “Online memorials are becoming increasingly popular,” the article states, and these memorials include stories and photos.
Memorials help us to cope with grief. Judy Tatelbaum discusses ways to cope with grief in her book The Courage to Grieve. “Learning how to cope is an important skill we need to develop,” she writes, “regardless of whether we are dealing with dead people or living people.” I see commemoration as part of grieving, but I want to continue to remember my loved ones and the joy they brought into my life.
Therese A. Rando, PhD, explores this point in her book How to Live On When Someone You Love Dies. She writes, “Perhaps the most effective way to keep your loved one alive is your own life and actions.” We do this by telling stories about our loved ones, acting on their values, enjoying life more, and ours when necessary Change behavior.
In his book, When Bad Things Happen to Good People, Rabbi Harold S. Kushner talks about life’s problems. “None of us can get around the problem of why bad things happen to good people,” he says. According to Kushner, we all play Job’s role sooner or later, either as a victim of tragedy, as a family member, or as a friend and comforter. “The questions never change; the search for a satisfying answer continues.”
It took me two years to find an answer. I’ve created Action Memorials (term copyright 2009 by Harriet W. Hodgson) and they work. What is an action monument? You find an outstanding quality that your Loed had and make it a part of your life. My daughter had a wonderful sense of humor and I vowed to laugh more. My father-in-law was one of the most ethical people I have ever known and I swore to stand up for ethics. My brother loved to read, so I promised myself more relaxing reading time. My former son-in-law loved nature and I try to observe nature closely.
Action monuments connect me with my loved ones every day. I feel closer to my loved ones and thanks to Action Memorials they will always be a part of my life. Weaving action memorials into my life brings me joy. You can create similar action memorials in honor of your loved ones and find solace in them.
Copyright 2009 by Harriet Hodgson
Thanks to Harriet Hodgson | #Action #memorials #proprietary #term #recover #grief #find #joy
